whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
