alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
