"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
