my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
