either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize