woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
