"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
