thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
