oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
