is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
