My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
