we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
