The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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