Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize