I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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