i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
