I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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