I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I puked a lego.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
