on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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