Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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