I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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