pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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