you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize