I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
