I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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