he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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