There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
