I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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