tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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