So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
