Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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