all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
