yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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