i was born a porn star she said
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
