Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
