I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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