Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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