Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
