It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
