this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
