her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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