How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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