Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
