she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
