So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
