tell your sister to shave her snatch
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
