i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wear drunk well.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
