Having a random hookup so left but love u
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
