Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
