so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
