He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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