So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize