How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
