Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
