god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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