Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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