that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
