you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
