Where did you get a picture of my penis
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
