I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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