I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Come see our sink grown plant.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
