he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
