just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize