finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
