do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
