I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
