I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
