I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
