Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize