hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Randomize
