Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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