I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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