it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize