it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
