In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
