We named our party play list daddy issues
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
