im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
