Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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