sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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