i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
