Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
