You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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