put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
