i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
