i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
