Just cropdusted the office
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
