all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
