i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
