Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
