Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
