you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
