You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
