I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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