If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Mom said you looked used
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
