I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
