capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
