My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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